Men’s Sheds: Let’s Talk About Bereavement and Loss with Irish Hospice Foundation Irish Men’s Sheds A

Description

Men’s Sheds occupy a unique place in Irish communities, where members support each other ‘shoulder to shoulder’, including during times of death and bereavement. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, approximately 10,000 men were visiting a Shed somewhere in Ireland every week. The impact of the two-year lockdown on the network was significant, particularly in relation to physical health and emotional wellbeing, along with a slow return to pre-pandemic attendance at local Sheds.

Equally, IHF understands the power of connection between individuals and within communities to provide peer-to-peer support and spaces where conversations can and do happen in safe, non-judgemental and supported ways. Moreover, it has long been IHF’s ambition to increase men’s engagement with issues around grief and loss, given men represent just 30% of callers to IHF’s Bereavement Support Line.

This is why the two organisations made the decision to collaborate and invite Sheds nationwide to use their skills and experience as ‘makers and creators’ of physical things to explore ways to express grief and loss. The joint ambition and hope behind this unique initiative was to encourage men, previously involved in Sheds, back into their workshops, connecting and creating. The ambition from a health and wellbeing perspective was to support ‘Shedders’ as they returned to ‘Shed Life’ step-by-step, to foster recovery and re-engagement, and to ensure the most vulnerable and isolated in Shed communities weren’t left behind, especially the bereaved.

As a model and inspiration for this project, IHF used a ‘House of Memory’ installation created as part of the Galway Arts Festival in 2021. We invited and supported Sheds to design their own individual ‘fixed point’ as a place to take grief and loss. We encouraged them to be as unique as their Shed and its members.

A number of Sheds took a different approach with some wonderful results. Here are a few examples:

The Gift of Connection by Westport Men’s Shed, Co Mayo
When musician Mike Hanrahan was invited to team-up with Westport Men’s Shed, the brief was simple – organise a few sessions with members to share favourite tunes and anecdotes in relation to connections with, and memories of, lost loved ones. The results took everyone’s breath away – a highly successful creative collaboration that produced a gorgeous song ‘Wishing You Were Here’, just in time for Christmas 2023. As Mike told RTÉ’s Marty Whelan: “It was such a buzz being in a room with a bunch of aul fellas like myself and having proper chats. We [men] usually ‘talk but don’t talk’. We’re afraid to talk about anything personal. We talked about Christmas and what it means to us. It was such a beautiful experience.”

Post Box by Lismore Men’s Shed, Waterford
Lismore Men’s Shed pondered the invitation to create a space as a place to take grief and loss with a response that was both poignant and practical. Through discussions and the magic of creative thinking, the idea of the Lismore Post Box was born. It was motivated by a desire to pay tribute to Joe Tobin, their former Chair and well-known postman. A green post box was made, affixed to the Shed’s entrance, and is for anyone in the community who wants to send a letter to a lost loved one, or who feels the need to write grief down and ‘post’ it. Eventually, all posted letters will be burnt at a ceremony and the ashes scattered where saplings will then be planted. In time, solid roots and new trees will grow from sorrowful words.

Memory Tree by Raphoe Men’s Shed, Donegal
Raphoe Men’s Shed Co Donegal, responded to the invitation to create a space to take grief and loss with a response that was simple yet powerful. They created a Memory Tree as a fixed point within their Shed to share personal memories and messages as tributes to loved ones who have died. People or pets. Recently passed or long gone. It didn’t matter. The point was to have a place where grief is recognised and where you can be seen without saying much, if you don’t want to. Inspiration came from the Shed wanting to acknowledge a universal truth, that was driven home during the pandemic in all its guises: “Sometimes you don’t know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”

Alongside this, IHF offered and facilitated bereavement and loss awareness training workshops to Sheds nationwide. Even though bereavement is a common experience, many struggle to know what to say or do to support those who have been bereaved, particularly men, and themselves. These workshops created a space to encourage Shed communities to support each other and themselves by facilitating conversations around grief – it’s potential impact, what can help, and the possible ways they could support fellow Shedders.

Aim of Initiative

To support and educate men impacted by death and bereavement using creative engagement and awareness training on grief.

Who is it aimed at

Men’s Sheds communities and the older male population generally across Ireland.

3 Steps critical to success

1. Irish Men’s Sheds was formed in 2011. Having first started in 2009, the Men’s Sheds movement had its birth in Tipperary where the first Men’s Shed was formed. The Shed movement has grown rapidly since then. Currently, there are 400 Sheds in 26 counties, 36 emerging Sheds and 56 Sheds registered in Northern Ireland. Sheds are places of belonging, mutual respect, companionship and company. Community spaces for positive ageing, skills sharing, ongoing contribution, despite their enormously wide range of activities and focus (woodworking, boatbuilding, environmental initiatives), the one thing all Sheds have in common is ‘connection’.
2. IHF is a national charity that addresses dying, death and bereavement in Ireland. IHF’s vision is an Ireland where people facing end of life or bereavement, and those who care for them, are provided with the care and support that they need.

   IHF engages with “the arts” in its broadest sense to explore and support issues around death and bereavement. “Arts” can include anything creative – from crafts such as woodturning and metal work, to gardening and painting, to belly dancing. Making things with your hands allows your head to take a breather. The conversation changes when you make something together — a post box, a tree, a bench, a tune, a sensory garden. Having places like these in communities where grief and loss can be seen and heard is helpful.

3. Hence, the decision to formally collaborate based on Steps 1 and 2 was critical to the success of this unique initiative. Both organisations recognised the potential of the Shed network to increase men’s engagement with issues around grief and loss by exploring bereavement and death. Moreover, both organisations provide peer to peer support and spaces where conversations can and do happen in safe, non-judgemental and supported ways.

3 Challenges in Planning / Delivery

1. We all experience the death of someone close at various stages of our lives. However, although bereavement is a common experience, many of us struggle to know what to say or do to support ourselves and others following a bereavement. This is particularly true of men. The challenge in itself was the motivation for the project.
2. Engaging with men to join / re-join a local Men’s Shed and beginning to have conversations about death, dying, grief and loss.
3. Creating and sustaining support for men impacted by death and bereavement using creative engagement and formal training on male grief awareness.

3 Outcomes / Benefits

1. IHF designed a prototype workshop for Men’s Sheds so that interested Shed members could learn about the different ways grief can affect us, what can help, and the possible ways to support fellow Shedders after a loss. Contemporary theories and models of grief were introduced as well as ways of working with loss and understanding the male grief experience. These workshops were experiential in part with a focus on practical tips for enhanced bereavement support. On completion of a workshop, Shedders are equipped to:

   • identify different levels of bereavement support
   • draw on a range of intervention tools and strategies
   • acknowledge self-care needs and the impact of personal loss

   This specially tailored grief awareness training model articulating Irish men’s responses to grief has now been formally incorporated into Men’s Sheds’ ongoing ‘Sheds for Life’ Health and Wellbeing programme.

2. A grief resource pack was produced and distributed to all 450 Sheds in Ireland. This included circa 5,000 dedicated brochures about men and grief. The pack also included an information leaflet promoting the enormous value of creative community engagement for expressing grief and loss, thereby fostering physical and emotional wellbeing.
3. The wonderful response to our invitation to Sheds to design their own individual ‘fixed point’ as a place to take grief and loss. These were documented with short documentary videos, images, and media coverage. There was also a marked increase in male callers to IHF’s Bereavement Support Line.